They say that mourning is a very personal experience and that is correct up to a point. Each of us reacts and deals with it in their own way. Some listen to music, the songs you shared in life and then remember what once was. The thing is, life is not a song - it is life. Nor is it fair, and that is something you better get used to at an early age. Some bastards will get ahead no matter what nasty types they are. Others will not, no matter how nice they are. Some of the worst husbands have the best wives and so the list goes on and on. Life is not fair and it is no use complaining about it like a long haired liberal - deal with the cards you have and leave the rest to faith.
It is spring time down here in the Southern Hemisphere. I noted a few weeks ago, just before sunrise, that the birds are singing again in the mornings. That you don't hear in winter time. The grass is getting greener and the trees have new leaves coming out. The traditional folk call it the "signs of the seasons." It is even mentioned somewhere in the Bible which brings me to my point. After Melissa died, I asked serious questions about death. It is one of those subjects which interest no-one except a few long haired liberals (psychologists & late estate lawyers & gravediggers who are all gold diggers no doubt) who make money out of bereavement. I also wonder how many semi-naked women from Eastern Europe now suddenly want to be "friends" since my status became "widower." A title I hate and never wanted and would not wish on my worst enemies. A grieving widower has no desire to date. Not at first as it should be. So they got all denied.
From a legal viewpoint, as a legal man, I know everything about death and you can read my thoughts on it in Your Last Will & Testament. As a former policeman I saw more death than most reading here and you can tell me nothing of violent death - I seen it all. Never bothered me before and why would it? When it is not your soul who cares? I know this sounds terribly hard but that is the only way to survive in a cruel world which is inherently unfair. It left me profoundly sad, still am, but not without hope. My soul is broken but certainly not crushed. Why I would not know for I cannot imagine something worse that the death of a soul mate - there is nothing worse and that includes your own death which is a relief & blessing which cannot be denied to you. It is after all the only way to be united again.
I did some research on the Bible to find out what God has to say about death. It is not something you can avoid and in a certain sense not very important either - the important stuff starts after that. Interestingly enough it seems there is not white light immediately after death or not as in time spans which we would be able to understand. You will sleep until you are woken for judgement day. The good news is that takes no time for you though a long, long time for us who remain behind. Anyway, it is in my book called When the Tears Stop.
As far as books go it was the second hardest book to write for me, ranking only after Melissa's Tribute. Many times I had to stop for the tears were leaving marks on my glasses and I could not see the screen. Not that it mattered. I can type blindfolded too. Point is that book really helped me and a lot of others as I note from the emails I get.
We have to be practical about death....you cannot not escape it nor its consequences. You need to know your legal position or you will be done in by the banksters. You will need to understand what happens to your soul afterwards. The answers are in those books - paid by me with more anguish than what is fair. Therefore I would suggest to you, read the two books highlighted here. It will make your survival that much easier.
Koos Kotze is a former member of the South African Police Force. He served between 1985 and 1991 primarily as a sergeant in the Pretoria Flying Squad. During his police years, he was awarded the South African Police Medal for Combating Terrorism twice besides lesser awards. After leaving the Police Force he obtained the law degrees B Iuris & LLB at the University of the Free State (Bloemfontein, South Africa) and was a commercial law attorney for eight years. These days he is the owner of JKLS Africa and Associates, a specialist legal consultancy which specializes in hostage survival training and reducing legal risk in Sub Saharan Africa. He wrote several books on business, law, counter-terrorism and security issues. At times he is asked to participate on the Voice of America regarding legal forensic matters. Koos is a widower and lives in Bloemfontein, South Africa.